its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
