So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
