..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
