I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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