Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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