I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
