Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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