something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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