My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
