how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
