I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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