the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
