whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
