my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
