Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
