whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
