i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
