I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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