i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
this hospital has no fireball
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
