Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
