Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
