Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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