I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
