The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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