He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
