He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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