I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
