quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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