"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize