I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
