I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
