WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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