Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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