I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
