he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
