I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
