I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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