CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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