4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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