A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
