remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
