Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
