just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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