I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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