to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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