Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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