Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
