I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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