this beer tastes like vomit already
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
