Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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