5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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