HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
