bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
