You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
