Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
