I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im holly from the hills drunk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
