my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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