hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
