I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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