i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
