JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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