he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
