so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
