Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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