Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
