My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
