did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
