You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
