I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
