the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
