exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
