On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
