Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
